Top 10 fan theories about “Something Wicked This Way Comes” that make more sense than the story

English: Twilight Saga Español: Saga Crepúsculo

English: Twilight Saga Español: Saga Crepúsculo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello, and welcome to another week of top 10 in fandom. I hoped that you enjoyed the last week’s list, as you can only tolerate Harry Potter for a while before you have to put an end to it altogether.

This week’s topic is the top 10 fan theories about Claire Violet Thorpe’s infamous fan fiction story “Something Wicked This Way Comes”. As we all know, “Something Wicked This Way Comes” is the story about what happens when Harry Potter jumps the veil in “Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix” and goes to Forks, Washington (where the Twilight Saga takes place). There, he makes new friends and falls in love with a vampire named Edward Cullen.

But you knew that.

Anyway, here’s a list of theories about the story that make so much more sense:

10. Harry and Sirius are really dead, and the story is about a boy named Harry Jameson who pretended to be Harry Potter.

9. Bella came from the Quileutes through one of her father’s ancestors.

8. Harry’s father is the brother of Annie Willowbeam, which makes Harry a cousin of Joey, Josh, Darren, and Sophia.

7. Going along with #9, Jacob and Bella are distant cousins.

6. Michael Calvernstone one worked for the Volturi, but left them when he saw that Aro liked Carlisle more than he trusted him.

5. Harry’s years at Hogwarts never happened; the wizarding world was a figment of Harry’s imagination (as he was kidnapped by a crazy old man who claimed to be a wizard).

4. The Harlequins (Oliver and Olivia) are really part werewolf.

3. Edward is Delicia’s father. (this theory makes a ton of sense, seeing as we don’t see Edward until Chapter 4 of SWTWC and it’s at the end of July when Edward and Harry meet. Plus, in Left Behind, Jacquelyn’s pregnancy was shown to be complicated, especially if she became pregnant from a vampire)

2. The Volturi attack Nesma because one of the vampires that she killed was working for the Volturi.

1. Not only was Dumbledore a murderer/kidnapper, he also plotted with some very evil vampires to take over the world.

Well, that’s all for this list. If you find yourself disagreeing with any of the above items for any reason, then let me know in the comments. See you next week for more Top 10 in Fandom!

How Bree Tanner Got Her Life Back, Chapter 10

Jasper town site

Jasper town site (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Bree returned to the house, but Carlisle was gone. Probably headed back to the hospital to deal with the mysterious girl who was the subject of an argument between him and Rosalie.

Speaking of which, Rosalie too had left the house, with Emmett chasing after her. Alice and Jasper were in their room and Edward was out, leaving Bree to herself.

She spent a long time just thinking about what she had seen and how she got to this place. She knew that had she given up, she could have been a victim of human trafficking or worse. She could have been forced to return to her abusive father, never to leave his house as long as she lived.

Bree found herself crying once again; this time, she hated herself for running away and not getting help for her problems. She didn’t know why she was even still alive at this point.

For now, Bree had to face her past.


Jacquelyn was now fully awake, and truly upset.

She found out that her first baby had died and that a second baby had been born too small. He was too tiny to live, but he was alive anyhow.

She forced herself out of bed and walked to the neonatal intensive care unit, staring at the tiny little boy that was in an incubator. He was screaming and crying, and scores of doctors and nurses were checking in on him every 15 minutes.

But all the baby wanted was his mother.

Jacquelyn reached out to the baby, who grabbed her right middle finger with one hand. The baby stared at his mother with his pitch-black eyes, filling her with fear. The doctor noticed her and said, “Your son was born 12 weeks early, but you couldn’t tell just by his size.”

“How did he get those eyes?” said Jacquelyn. “All I know is that my family has had green eyes, but some of them had either blue eyes or gray eyes. I’m the only one who has a mixture of a blue eye and a silver eye. None of us have brown eyes, so how did he get black eyes?”

“We are still trying to figure that out,” said the doctor. “We believe that he may have been absorbed by his twin, but then he killed his twin, which in turn caused the first baby’s death.”

“Was it a boy or a girl?” Jacquelyn said in wonder about the fate of the first baby.

“Neither,” said the doctor. The baby began crying as a nurse came to give him some medicine. “The little one here is a boy, and as such, he requires a name.”

Jacquelyn wondered what name she would give the baby; she had no idea that the infant existed at all. Until now, that was. Carlisle approached her and said, “I see that you have recovered.”

“I do,” said Jacquelyn. “We spellcasters are very difficult to kill off. But why did the first baby die and he didn’t?”

Carlisle himself wondered the same thing as he watched the baby being weighed and measured. The baby screamed and cried as several other people came to stare at him. Carlisle gasped as the baby stared at him again with those dangerous black eyes. He barely registered a piece of paper being slipped into his hand; the paper read His name is Alexis Nicholas.


Edward and Bella continued talking as they stared at Bella’s notes. Earlier, Bella had to reassess what she really wanted out of life. She knew she loved Edward, but did she really want to go through with the marriage?

“We have a year, Bella,” said Edward. “One year. Let’s not rush into this.”

“You heard what they said,” said Bella. “Either I am changed before the year is out, or they’ll destroy us all.”

“If they even try to hurt you, I will hurt them back,” said Edward. “We do not need the Volturi hovering above us. Let us take our time with this relationship.”

“What about Jacob?” said Bella.

“Don’t worry about Jacob,” said Edward. “He will imprint on another girl and leave you alone. It’s only a matter of time.”

Time, something that we truly don’t have, Bella thought to herself as she sat back in her seat. She knew that in the coming weeks, she and Edward would be getting married and going away to college. Charlie would be by himself once again.

She couldn’t allow that to happen at all.

Maybe I should skip college and start working, Bella thought. She wondered how long she would have before she was to be turned.


Suddenly, she and Edward realized that they had just made a huge mistake.

How Bree Tanner Got Her Life Back, Chapter 9

Jodelle Ferland

Jodelle Ferland (Photo credit: HeatherWeaver)

Jacquelyn found herself waking up in a hospital room.

She never liked hospitals, as they reminded her of various illnesses that she had had and the time that the doctors were forced to remove both her appendix and tonsils. She wasn’t too happy about either of those events.

But now, there was a new reason why she was in the hospital, and by the time she found out what it was, all hell had already broken loose.


As for Bree Tanner, she knew what was at stake for her.

After her unexpected shopping spree, she was amazed at how much the Cullens seemed to care about her, and also care about each other. It was so much different than when she was with Riley and the newborns.

Speaking of which, she was unsure if Fred was still alive or not.

Bree forced herself out of bed, not that she really needed to sleep, and went to the kitchen. There, she overheard a huge fight between Rosalie and Carlisle. Apparently, one of Carlisle’s patients had been very sick to the point of death and Carlisle was pondering the issue of having her turned.

Rosalie, however, wanted the girl to die; the girl was just 15 years old.

“Her time has come, Carlisle,” said Rosalie. “She had her chance to live and she blew it. Can’t you just let her die?”

“What are you saying? You wold rather allow an innocent child to die when there’s the alternative?” Carlisle snapped at her. “I can’t believe that you would say something like that, Rosalie! How could you be so selfish, especially with someone else’s life?”

The argument continued as Bree silently slipped outside the door to the Cullen house. She really needed to think right now. She ran until she was a mile and a half away from the house, then climbed a huge tree. When she reached the top, she saw something that wiped any ideas of finding Riley or Fred.

There was a huge river flowing, the trees were swaying in an early summer wind, the animals were creeping about, and the clouds decorated a huge blue sky. This is what I have been missing out on, Bree thought to herself. I have wasted so much time trying to figure out how to survive that I nearly missed the point of life on earth. What have I done with my life?

“Bree?” a voice called her back. Esme was standing at the foot of the tree that Bree had climbed. Bree immediately jumped down and approached the vampire mother. Esme said, “You are not happy.”

“I know,” said Bree. “I have wasted so many weeks with trying to survive that I have almost forgotten that nature exists.”

“So many others have claimed the same thing,” said Esme. “This is why we are living here. There is nothing that is more wonderful than enjoying nature, and so many people who drive though this town can attain to that. But you are unhappy for several other reasons.”

“I have run away from home and I was at the end of my rope when I met Riley Biers,” said Bree. “He showed me kindness, but I wish I knew that he was a vampire before I accepted his offer. I was desperate and needed a way to get food without resorting to selling myself for money.”

“That’s terrible that you would have to do something like that just to take care of yourself,” said Esme. “We will make sure that you don’t have to do anything like that. Now, let’s go inside; we have many important things that need to be discussed.”

As they walked back to the Cullen house, Bree couldn’t help but wonder about the fate of the mysterious girl who was at the center of the argument between Carlisle and Rosalie. If anything, the girl needed help…and perhaps a voice. Someone needed to speak up for her, and soon.

Her Final Days Chapter 23

Where we last left off:

“We’d like to take you to the police station,” said Gerard.

“Indeed,” said Annmarie as she reached for her purse. She began wondering what are you up to this time, mom? Eversince dad died, you’ve been out of sorts. She decided that Rosalie would be leaving the nursing home as soon as she was found.

But what of Jill, she thought. She was 17 years old, raising a baby, and forced to work in a bar in order to make money. Annmarie planned to get Jill out of that place and into her home. That girl shouldn’t have to suffer any further abuse.

Little did she know that her mother’s secret past was about to come out…

Annmarie frowned as she tried to process what was going on at the police station. Her mother and niece had both vanished without a trace and no one knew what had become of baby Emmett. Something wasn’t right and she was going to find out the truth.

Carlisle Cullen was also summoned to the station, as his house was the only house that was located in the woods. When questioned, Carlisle claimed that the baby had showed up at his house just hours before Rosalie and Jill were reported missing.

Later that night, after baby Emmett was put to bed, Esme looked at Carlisle and said, “I wonder if there’s more to this baby than we initially thought. Who knows who this little baby belongs to.” Carlisle said nothing, but continued to gaze at the sleeping baby.

Just then, there was another baby’s cry being heard all over the house. “We found another lost baby,” Alice cried out as the Cullen family rushed to the living room. “It’s a little boy.”

“I see,” said Carlisle as he stared at the little boy. He appeared to be about 6 months old, with pale skin, brown eyes and brown hair. “Where did you find him?”

“In the woods,” said Emmett. “He was just sitting there, crying. No one else was around.”

“The poor little thing,” Esme said as she reached out for the little boy. “Are you sure you didn’t see his parents?”

“There was no one else,” said Jasper as he came into the room.

“Indeed,” said Carlisle. “I guess we better inform the Wolves to be on the lookout for anyone else wandering around in the woods. Who knows who else we may find in the woods.”

Everyone nodded as they thought of Bree, Riley, and Laurent, who they had found in the woods during several previous searches. Right now, Edward and Bella were teaching them how to hunt for food.

Carlisle said, “We’ll start back up in the morning; someone is bound to show up sooner or later.” The others nodded and then headed off to bed, not knowing that within the next few hours, something would change their family forever…

How Bree Tanner Got Her Life Back, Chapter 8

An infant

An infant (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The baby was asleep in the nursery. Apparently, the excitement that followed his birth had died down after the baby’s pitch-black eyes were focused upon those of Doctor Carlisle Cullen.

Carlisle himself felt that the baby had him under some kind of spell; no normal baby would have black eyes. Did the baby know who Carlisle really was? Within a few moments, the baby looked away from the vampire and at his own frail mother. Jacquelyn Claire Ulrich had delivered him and his sibling, but his sibling was now dead. The young girl was lying asleep in her bed, never stirring as she laid there. She had no idea that a second baby had been born.

Do I know her? Carlisle thought to himself as he left the nursery and resumed his duties. Little did he know that the moment that question was answered, his life (plus the lives of his entire family) would be changed forever…

As for Bella, she and Jacob had been fighting for a good while now.

Both were arguing over Bella’s future, in which she planned to marry Edward Cullen and become a vampire. Bella believed that Jacob had deluded himself into thinking that he was in love with her when it was just lust. Billy, Jacob’s father, sat there quietly.

At the end of the argument, Bella snapped at Jacob, saying, “You just don’t get it, do you?” She stormed away just as Edward came into the house. Edward said, “Why do you do this?”

“Do what?” said Jacob.

“You make her angry,” said Edward. “You don’t give up when it’s clear that you’re not going to win.”

“Bella is in love with me,” Jacob snapped.

“You’re lusting after her,” Edward shot back.

“How do you kn—” Jacob was beginning to yell again when he remembered that Edward could hear his thoughts. “Oh yeah.”

“Now, unless you’re going to be supportive of whatever decision Bella makes, I suggest that you leave her alone,” Edward snapped. “And besides, what can you give her? You’re a wolf, a Quileute. You will imprint on some girl and leave Bella hanging.”

“I would never—” Jacob began, but Edward continued, “I heard Leah‘s thoughts. She thought she and Sam would be married, but Sam imprinted on Emily and forgot about Leah. You know nothing of her heartbreak.”

Speaking of Leah, she was still asleep in Jacquel’s hotel room, but she was also in a dream. A Quileute chief was staring at her. “Leah,” he said, “you must return.”

“How can I return when they think I am dead?” Leah cried out.

“Your brother mourns for you,” said the Quileute. “They miss you. You must return to them.”

“How can I?” said Leah. “I can’t even wake up!”

“You must,” said the Quileute. “You must live.”

Leah knew that the Quileute was right; she needed to live. But would she be willing to return to life if she knew how they were tarnishing her legacy?


Bree knew that she was going mad when Alice and Rosalie dragged her into several clothing stores and brought enough outfits to clothe the entire population of Forks.

She hated how they were treating her as a friend. After all, she had been recruited to kill them. But why did the Volturi spare her?

Bree then thought about Bella Swan, the girl who Riley and Victoria had wanted to kill. She had very little knowledge of who Bella was and why Bella had wanted her to be spared.

She thought back to the moment when it happened: Bree was facing Jane, Alec, Felix, and Demetri of the Volturi. The battle was over and the entire newborn army was dead. Riley and Victoria were nowhere to be seen. Bree was all alone. The Volturi guards were dealing with the Cullens when Jane noticed Bree and questioned her regarding her role in the newborn battle.

“Take care of that,” said Jane to Felix as they stared at Bree. “I want to go home.”

But Bella had stepped forward, crying out, “WAIT! I think you guys should let her live.”

“Why should we?” Jane smirked. “After all, she was part of a group of newborns who were programmed to kill you. We don’t give second chances.”

“Well, what if she could prove her usefulness?” Bella said. “Then can she live?”

“We’ll think about it,” said Alec.

Bree didn’t know why Bella stood up for her, as she could have killed Bella easily. But what had made her stop in her tracks? She remembered the next thing that Bella said: “I believe that maybe Bree didn’t want to be a part of this. I’ve seen people being executed and they didn’t agree to be part of the crime that they are accused of. So in this sense, she is innocent until proven guilty.

But was Bree really innocent? She was a runaway from some little town in the State of Oregon, someone who had rebelled against authority. Her mother had left the family and was dead somewhere and she could care less about her father’s fate, as her father had abused her until she grew tired of it and bolted from the home, never to return.

This is my punishment from God, Bree thought to herself as Alice and Rosalie were driving her home. I should have gotten some help instead of running away. I don’t see how being part of the Yellow Eyes is going to change anything about me.

Little did she know that something from her past as going to resurface and slap her in the face…

Chapter 5 of Don’t Hold Back

(Tokyo, Japan)

A young boy was lying on a straw mat on the outskirts of Tokyo, Japan. He was wishing that he could hang out with the older kids instead of staying in a hovel with some weird old woman and some fat man, both of who had no idea of how to raise a teenage boy.

Sameth Fujishima was no ordinary boy.

He knew he was special; at the age of 5 months, he began to walk upright and without the aid of a baby walker. He was 2 years old when he dismantled an old boom box. He was about 4 years old when he assembled a computer.

By the time Sam was 10 years old, he could tear apart and reassemble 90% of the world’s technology, drive any vehicle, and infiltrate any building without revealing his identity.

Now, at the age of 15, Sam was living in a converted truck that continued to break apart no matter what he did to fix it. He could read anything and not forget a single word that was written, but he had never set foot in a classroom, let alone a school. His foster parents had made sure that he wasn’t allowed to leave the home for any reason.

But tonight was the night that Sam was going to leave and make it in the world.

(normal POV)

“I just don’t get it,” said Sirius as he stared at what had been a human corpse in the morgue. He usually didn’t mind dealing with the dead, seeing as he had spent some time among them while he was still an auror, but this was ridiculous. The dead woman still had most of her…self intact, as if even time wasn’t allowed to liberate her from her grave. Her hair, once a vibrant red, was dulled to a copper color and her skin was a pallid color. Even her blue eyes had dulled to a dark color.

“Out of all the houses to be buried under, they had to stick her under your house,” said Carlisle as he examined the corpse. “It turns out that your daughter was right. Someone here has apparently struck the woman dead with a heavy blunt object and shoved her into her grave in the ground. Charlie and his boys are checking out the area as we speak.”

“And I have something to ask you,” said Sirius. “Harry has been acting strangely since we returned from London. Is there something going on between him and Edward that I need to know about?”

“Other than them being gone, I wouldn’t know,” said Carlisle. “Which was what I meant to do in the first place.”

“What?” said Sirius.

“Put out an alert,” said Carlisle. He sighed as he said, “I don’t know what’s going on with that son of mine, but we’ll get to the bottom of this.”


(Cullen House)

Jacquelyn said, “I really don’t know what people’s deal is these days. People hiding dead bodies in backyards is a sign that this is the end of civilization as we know it.”

Magnus said to her, “I wouldn’t say that.”

“You’re not the one who ran around the neighborhood screaming when you saw a corpse in Julia’s backyard, didn’t you,” Jacquelyn snapped at him.

“Well, you can’t be a vampire and be afraid of corpses,” said Magnus.

“Which is why I’m sticking to animals,” Jacquelyn snapped even harder.

Magnus frowned; Jacquelyn was becoming quite snappish lately. Was it due to the fact that 99% of her life had been a lie and the 1% of it was wasted for nothing? Jacquelyn stormed from the bathroom without a second glance.


(Harry’s house)

Sirius frowned as he went through Harry’s room. Nothing was touched since Harry was here a few days ago. Carlisle was right, something was wrong with Harry.

He noticed Harry’s diary laying on his bed. Sirius shook his head as he read over Harry’s entries, which were apparently dark and moody in nature. He frowned over one particular passage, which read, “Whenever I am with Edward, everything seems to make sense. He doesn’t seem to mind the fact that I am a wizard, and I know that he is a vampire. But why am I giving myself up for him? What is making me fall in love with him? I don’t know why I feel this way for him (let alone any boy), and I don’t understand how this could have happened.”

Sirius set down the book and shook his head again. He knew that Harry had to be gay, but it was too much for him to think about. Harry being in love with a vampire? Now, that was something else entirely. He needed to tell Carlisle and Esme about this right away.


(La Push)

Jacob frowned; he had not been allowed to see Harry since they returned from London. Bella had claimed that Harry had been very sick, almost to the point of death.

It really didn’t help much to know that Harry would want to have Edward and not see him.

He was just sitting around with Embry on the beach as the others were playing football. Leah said to them, “You do know Harry needs time to recover. It’s not easy having to face the people who ruined your life.”

“Easy for you to say,” said Embry.

“Embry,” Jacob warned, but Leah said, “It would be nice if I had someone to imprint on. I wouldn’t even care if it was a vampire.”

“You don’t mean that,” said Embry.

“I mean every word I say, Embry Call, and you know it,” Leah snapped at him.

Seth came towards them, saying, “Harry and Edward are gone! Edward doesn’t wanna be my friend anymore!” He then burst into tears.

Jacob laughed, but Embry elbowed him in the gut. “Come on, Seth,” he said. “You do know that we can’t be friends with the Cullens.”

“But Edward is my friend,” Seth snapped. “You don’t understand me!” He stormed off in anger.

Leah gasped. “Is it true what he said? Harry and Edward are gone?”

“We’ll have to make sure to go to the Cullen house on our patrol tonight,” said Jacob. “Something isn’t right and I’m going to get to the bottom of this.” He knew that deep down inside, he was going to bitterly regret ever breaking Bella and Edward apart.

The “I Got Twilighted” Wedding, part 2

The Volturi, from left to right: Alec, Marcus,...

The Volturi, from left to right: Alec, Marcus, Aro, Caius, and Jane, from The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


where we last left off…

Alice: I have foreseen him being hit by a car and not being able to see the end of part 1 of the finale.

Roger: Say what?? You better take that back, you crazy!


Harry: She’s making a huge mistake! I’m going to stop the wedding and get her to remember that she loves me.

Albus-Severus: But dad, can’t you just let her go? She’s made her choice, she should be allowed to live with it.

Harry: Jacquel belongs with me, Albus-Severus Potter! And if I have to find a way to destroy her wedding, then I will!


Jacquel: Carlisle’s father is dead because you couldn’t handle the news that I was getting married to someone who really loves me!

Harry: But Jacquel…

Jacquel: Oh, shut up, Harry! You knew that this day would happen!

Random criminal: Yeah, way to go, bub! You killed the doctor’s dad! How are you gonna live with yourself?

Jacquel: He won’t, because I’m going to kill him! And thanks to him…THERE IS NO WEDDING!!!


The “I Got Twilighted” Series Finale
“I Got Twilighted” the Wedding, Part 2
a movie written by Jacquel C. on 11/30/2012
rated for mature viewers only

Supernatural Times Blog Article: It looks like the Jacquel Cullen / Embry Call wedding is on hold.

Last night, Jacquel’s grandfather, Roger Cullen, was killed in a hit-and-run incident when he and her father, Carlisle Cullen (renowned Forks doctor) were struck down by a car that just kept going. At this time, Chief of Police Charlie Swan isn’t revealing much, only the facts that we really need to know.

Anyway, the Cullen family is accepting donations and sympathy cards. Let’s hope that the wedding is back on for our favorite heroine!


(the Cullen house is crowded with vampires and many well-wishers)

Eleazar: Well, I’m not one for bereavement, but I’m sorry to hear about your father, Carlisle.

Carlisle: Thank you, Eleazar.

Carmen: I know it’s not easy to lose a father. Believe me, I did weep when they told me that my father was dead. How’s everyone else holding up?

Carlisle: (sees various vampires chatting with the Cullens) Well, save for Jacquelyn, they all seem to be doing OK.

Tanya: I know. Who does that guy think he is, running over the old man just to get back into Jacquelyn’s good graces?

Kate: He deserves to die!

Carlisle: I know. But let’s not deal with it right now. We still have a wedding to plan, if the bride-to-be is up for it…

(at the police station)

Jacquel: I’m going to kill that guy.

Sameth: Why?

Jacquel: Uh, he killed my grandfather! I’m going to make him pay for it…in cash, or credit card!

Saphira: Can I come with…

Jacquel: Sure. I’m going to need all the help I can get. He has no right!

Sameth: Or balls. The jerk.

(back in the Cullen house)

Aro: Oh, Carlisle! It’s so good to see you again!

Carlisle: Aro…

Aro: When I heard about your father, I just *HAD* to come! I’m so sorry to hear about his untimely death! (hugs Carlisle)

Carlisle: You do realize that he didn’t like you.

Aro: I’ll ignore that in favor of a kiss…(Caius and Marcus glare at him) Oh. Now, where’s the unhappy bride?

Emmett: Yeah…where is Jacquel?

(at the police station, where Jacquel is beating Harry up)

Jacquel: Oh shut up, you surly onion-eyed maggot-pie! You killed my grandfather!

Harry: But it was an accident!

Jacquel: Yeah right! You didn’t want me to marry Embry, so you killed him!

Sameth: You call yourself a wizard? More like a monster!

Saphira: So, you’re the asshole who knock up my sister and then left her!

Harry: I what?

Jacquel: You heard her. You knocked me up and left me! Now Delicia doesn’t want to have anything to do with you and now everyone in the world knows why!

Harry: (stares at Saphira) Safie? Is that you?

Saphira: I remember you…you’re the fool who left me because I wasn’t Jacquel!

Jacquel: (gets really angry) YOU KNOCKED MY SISTER UP AND LEFT HER??? (launches herself at Harry. explosion is seen nearby)

Billy: Well, this isn’t going to end well…

Charlie: I’m sure a judge will want to hear this.

(at the Cullen house)

Jacquel: Can you believe the nerve of that asshole? He tricked me and he tricked Saphira! Is there any other girl in the world who he hasn’t tricked???

Embry: Don’t worry, Jacquel. That man isn’t going near you ever again.

Sam: If he does, we’ll crush him.

Jacquel: I just want to have my wedding and live happily ever after! Why can’t I have that? (starts crying)

Carlisle: (sees everything) Why can’t you, Jacquelyn?

(cue montage as scores of vampires crowd the church and attend the funeral of Roger Cullen)

Old Quil: Well, I never saw that coming.

Sue: I know. Whenever there’s a high profile public figure getting married, the crazies always seem to come out of the woodwork.

Billy: Yeah. What a shame.

(a few days later)

Jacquel: Well, do I even want to go on with this wedding?

Seth: Of course you do! I mean, that’s what he would have wanted!

Leah: We don’t know that, Seth!

Jacob: Let’s get this wedding thing started!


James: We are NOT annoying!

Laurent: In fact, we are normal!

Victoria: And to prove that we are normal, we’re going to crash the wedding!

James: Indeed.

Riley: Yeah right. They’ll never let you in!

James: How sad. We’ll show them!

(Alice plans the wedding)

Alice: Yay! I can’t tell you how many episodes it has been since I’ve helped to plan a wedding!

Leah: Yeah. Mine.

Alice: Exactly. Now, we’ve got less than 24 hours to get this place ready for a real white wedding

Emmett: Can we do the “White Wedding” song?

Jacob: Of course.

Carlisle: Well, while you’re doing that, I’d like to see your nephew.

Jacob: OK.

(in Carlisle’s office)

Carlisle: So let me get this straight: little Keoni here doesn’t do anything except play with his iPad all day?

Mala: Yes.

Rebecca: We try talking to him, but he never responds to anything we say.

Mala: it’s driving us crazy.

Carlisle: I see. Now, let’s see what’s going on in his subconsious.


Renee: I hope you’ve got enough room in your place for your mother, Bella!

Bella: Well, you’re kind of out of luck, mom.

Renee: What?

Bella: First off, the kids took the only rooms available, and then Kate and Garrett took our bedroom, meaning that Edward and I have to stay in the living room.

Edward: Which we don’t mind.

Renee: But where will we stay?

Edward: In my old room…unless its already occupied.

Emmett: Too late! Jasper’s friends stole your room, Ed!

Renee: Now what?

(Back in Carlisle’s office)

Carlisle: Well, I can’t rule out his autism, but there’s a good chance that he’s probably shy and doesn’t have good social skills. The upside to this is that we have Emmett here.

Mala: Right. The Lovable Jester, that’s what they call him on that La Push Show.

Rebecca: Or else he just likes Emmett, but doesn’t know the right words to describe him.

Keoni: Hahaha he funny! (watches Emmett fall down in a YouTube video)

Emmett: Hey, you think I’m funny? (looks at video) Oh my God! You’re dead, Jacob!

Jacob: What?

Emmett: I thought I told you not to upload the video of when I fell down and broke Alice’s sewing machine and we had to buy her a new one!

(the night before)

Embry: Darn. I can’t see her before the wedding.

Quil: Yeah, man. It’s bad luck.

Jacquel: I’m not feeling so well.

Saphira: Yeah.

Jacquel: What I really don’t understand is why people have to die.

Saphira: I know.

Jacquel: And why Harry played a trick on us.

Saphira: Don’t worry; we’ll make him pay for it.

(the big day)


Jacquel: I’m sorry, Alice. I couldn’t sleep last night.

Alice: You’re not getting cold feet today! Now, let’s get you dressed! (within an hour, Alice and Rosalie had Jacquel wearing a huge white dress with a long veil and train) Ok, you’re ready!

Esme: She’s not! (She and Carlisle walk into the room) She needs her something old, which was her mother’s wolf pendant on a necklace, something new, which are these earrings. Plus, she needs to borrow something, like Alice’s ring…

Alice: Hey, that’s mine! (Esme gives Jacquel the ring)

Carlisle: And something blue. (hands Jacquel a hair ribbon) Now she’s ready.

(at the pavilion)

Bella: Doesn’t this place look great?

Angela: Yes it does. I was more than pleased when Alice asked me to take pictures of the wedding. Can you believe the drama that’s been going down the last few weeks?

Bella: Yeah. We’ve got a funeral and a wedding all in the same month.

Jessica: Plus, we heard that you have three kids. THREE! Don’t you think you and Edward were rushing it a bit?

Edward: Seriously!

Laurent: Attention everyone: the bride is here!

Edward: All right! (plays “Bridal March”. Carlisle and Jacquel walk down the aisle. the guests stand and acknowledge Jacquel. The minister approaches the pulpit and begins his sermon)

Emmett: Uh, evil ex-boyfriend is coming!

Jace: Who? Him? I’ve got some words for that pathetic son of an unmuzzled rough-hewn flap-dragon!

Minister: And if there’s anyone out there who objects to this marriage, please speak now or forever hold your peace…

Harry: (rushes into the church) I OBJECT!!! (everyone stares at him)

Jacquel: Harry Potter? What the hell are you doing here?

Harry: Jacquel, I love you. Please, don’t do this!

Jacquel: Oh my God. Really? Then explain to me why you knocked up my sister and ditched her!

Harry: So Safie’s your sister?

Saphira: Yeah, you Scarred child of a gorbellied ill-nurtured minnow! And in fact, you didn’t even let me name my kids! Dobby and Hedwig? Really? Even my sister did so much better with Delicia!

Jacquel: So if you want me back, you can just forget it! I hope you die ugly and alone and no one will ever like you!

Harry: How can you be so mean, Jacquel? I thought we were friends!

Jacob: Bahahaha, how many years have you been a son of a bitch? (wolves laugh)

Minister: Well, you have proven that you are unworthy of her; please remove yourself from this place. (Harry is unceremoniously tossed out the Cullen’s backyard as the minister continues his sermon)

Emily: Well, at least it wasn’t like our wedding.

Sam: Yeah, it wasn’t, thank goodness.

Jared: This drama sucks.

Paul: At least we can kick him around if he messes with Jacquel.

Minister: I now present to you…Mr. and Mrs. Embry and Jacquelyn Call! (guests cheer and Edward plays the “Wedding March”)

Katniss: Darn. Looks like we’ll have to wait until it’s Quil’s turn to marry.

Percy: I know, right?

Tyrion: At least he’ll have plenty of time to hang out with us.

Joffrey: (crying) I always cry at weddings.

Cersei: Tyrion, why did you bring us here? We don’t know anyone!

Bella: Oh, shut it, you! Your whole family is a joke! No offense, Tyrion.

Tyrion: None taken.

Jacquel: I can’t believe it! We’re finally married!

Embry: Now I can bang you like tomorrow doesn’t exit and no one can yell at us!

Carlisle: Oh dear God.

Aro: Well, if you do want to come back to Volterra, the door is always open.

Carlisle: No. My place is here.

Caius: Oh well. Your loss. We’ll be seeing you around.

Marcus: Can somebody please kill me? I can’t stand the happy couple!

Jane: Shut up, Marcus. (guests spill outside to the courtyard, where Alice has decorated the entire placeThere, Jacquel and Embry greet the scores of guests who came to the wedding)

Jace: May I offer you congrats on your marriage to that bastard son of a wayward sheep-biting haggard?

Jacquel: Well, would you like me to slap you, you errant flap-mouthed scut?

Jace: Don’t be so stubborn. But you will be seeing my movie, right?

Jacquel: Perhaps. (to Emmett) You know what to do…

Emmett: Ready? (he has his drums, Jasper has the bass guitar, and Carlisle has the lead guitar) All right, let’s do this shit! (crowd cheers as Billy Idol’s White Wedding starts playing)

Jacob: Jace Wayland, you have officially overstayed your welcome. Now leave.

Leah: Yes. Please leave, or I’ll slap you for calling me uglier than Ugly Betty!

Embry: Why are you here?

Jace: Your little friend here invited me.

Jacob: I never invited him!

Jacquel: Calm down, Jake. He’s being an idiot, as usual.

James II: Well, this freaking blows! Our dad’s going to jail, possibly for life, and now we’re stuck here. And not even our relatives are coming to bail us out!

Albus-Severus: Maybe we should quit complaining and just be thankful that Jacquel and Saphira aren’t being mean to us.

Lily Luna: Or maybe we can use this as an opportunity to start over.

Jacquel: Indeed. And since both your parents are in jail and no one is coming to get you for a while, why don’t you stay with us?

James II: Mayhaps.

Embry: Maybe they can start over now that this is all over. But as for us, let’s slip away while no one’s looking…(just then, everyone else shows up and cheers as Jacquel and Embry hop into Jacquel’s Mini Cooper and drives off towards a brighter future)

Esme: Don’t worry, Carlisle. She’ll be fine.

Carlisle: I hope so. (everyone is dancing long into the night)


And that’s how this story ends. I must admit that it has been a very long journey into the world of Twilight as well as the end of my very first Twilight Fan Fiction story. But not to worry, there will be others and the spinoffs of “I Got Twilighted” that are to come.

So, I must say “THE END” and thank you all for this great three-year journey that this fic has taken us on. I’ll be back with the Christmas special soon!

The “I Got Twilighted” Wedding, part 1

The werewolf pack in The Twilight Saga: Eclips...

The werewolf pack in The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. From left to right: Paul, Embry, Jacob, Sam, Jared, Quil, and Leah. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Jacquel: Well, this is it, guys. The LAST Twilight special in this story as well as the final chapter…

Emmett: Oh no!

Bella: Not yet, Emmett! We’re going to be doing the 2-part finale! Uh, why exactly are we doing the 2-part finale to begin with?

Jacquel: I don’t know.

The “I Got Twilighted” Series Finale
“I Got Twilighted” the Wedding, Part 1
a movie written by Jacquel C. on 11/30/2012
rated for mature viewers only

*cue Game of Thrones theme song*

Carlisle: I don’t think you’re going to be able to do it, Father.

Roger: Of course I can, Carlisle! After all, I’m the pastor and I’m doing this wedding whether you like it or not!

Carlisle: But still, I don’t think Jacquelyn likes you very much.

Roger: Why shouldn’t she? You refused to let her marry that wolf boy!

Carlisle: I just wanted to keep her…respectable.

Roger: Yeah right!

Esme: Now, now, you two. I thought we all agreed to be civil about this for Jacquelyn’s sake.

Roger: I am being civil! It’s my son who’s being unreasonable!

Esme: OK…

Carlisle: I still don’t think he’ll be able to do the wedding.

Alice: I have foreseen him being hit by a car and not being able to see the end of part 1 of the finale.

Roger: Say what?? You better take that back, you crazy!

Alice: Say that again and I’ll break your neck!

Jasper: Calm down, Alice. I’m sure he’s just kidding.

Alice: I hope so too…for his sake.


Jacob: And why have you decided to show up here?

Rebecca: Well, this little boy who Mala and I have adopted doesn’t seem to relate to us at all.

Jacob: And why not?

Mala: Well, I don’t understand this “autism” thing. We try to talk to him, but he would rather spend his time playing with his iPad than talking to us.

Billy: Well, that kind of sounds like the season finale of “St. Elsewhere.”

Jacob: Oh come on, dad! Why’d you have to bring that up? I’m still trying to get over the fact that they killed off the MTM cat!

Rebecca: Well, the cat did die at the same time as the finale.

Jacob: So, why do I have the feeling that this is going to be happening again?

Leah: I don’t know. But now, we’re going to get ready for the La Push Show special.

Jacob: Yeah…and Embry’s taking over the show because he’s marrying Jacquel…why couldn’t it be me?

Leah: You married me, remember?

Jacob: Yeah. That was 3 seasons and a few episodes ago.

Leah: Of course. Now come on, they’re waiting for you at the studio.


(The La Push Show)

Jacob: Live from Washington State, it’s the La Push Show! Here, we have Leah, Seth, Embry, Quil, Colin, Brady, Jared, Paul, Sam, and me, Jacob! (wolves show up as audience cheers) And today is a special episode, as one of our own cast members is getting married! (wedding theme plays as audience cheers) That’s right, folks! Embry Call is getting mariied! (audience cheers) But who is he marrying, you ask? Why, it’s none other than Jacquelyn Cullen! (Jacquel shows up as everyone cheers) So, let’s get ready to start the show!

(at Harry Potter’s house)

James II: Man, I hate these wedding specials! They always bore me to tears!

Albus-Severus: You and me both!

James II: How’s about we watch Annoying Orange?

Lily Luna: NO! Not until we see Jacquel and Embry!

Albus-Severus: OK then.

Jacob: So, how did you propose to her?

Embry: It was right after I took her to see that scary movie and she clung to me the whole time.

Quil: Embry, stop.

Embry: Quil…anyway, did you think I was going to propose to her when I took her to see Skyfall?

Emily: Well, you should have.

Jacob: I see. Now, what shall we do about this unexpected turn of events?

Quil: Bachelor party!!

Embry:  QUIL!!!

Paul: He’s right! We throw a bachelor party for Embry!

Embry: But we will not be getting drunk and making out with random girls.

Jared: Edward, you stupid prude!

Sam: I know! Can you believe that guy? He wouldn’t even let us have any fun at his bachelor party!

Paul: Talk about being cool and not letting us make him get drunk and make out with random girls? What kind of parents raised him?

Edward: I heard that!

Quil: And I suppose that Jacquel’s not getting drunk and making out with random guys, isn’t she? (Jacquel slaps him) OW! Hey! What’d I say?

Jacquel: Are you freaking nuts, Quil? I’m not going to get drunk and make out with random guys! You wolves are still so freaking horny!

Paul: Only for you.

Harry: Hey, what are you kids watching?

Albus-Severus: The La Push Show.

Lily Luna: The one where Jacquel’s marrying Embry.

Harry: I see. Well, pack your bags, kids! We’re off to Seattle!

James II: Why?

Harry: Because she’s making a huge mistake! I’m going to stop the wedding and get her to remember that she loves me.

Albus-Severus: Something tells me that this isn’t going to go right…

(Embry’s bachelor party)

Emmett: And we like to dedicate this song to this guy, who’s getting married this week! (everyone cheers. Embry glares at him)

Jasper: I would appreciate it if you didn’t air out his dirty laundry.

Emmett: Awww, come on, Jas! Or else they’ll see me rape you!

Jasper: You would dare!

Emmett: I would!

Embry: That’s enough, guys! You’re ruining my special night!

(at Jacquel’s bachelorette party)

Jacquel: Well, they could do a bit better with the entertainment, you know.

Alice: I agree. Let’s kick this up a notch!

Bella: Look, here comes some dancers! (just then, some dancers show up and begin to dance for the girls)

Jacquel: I don’t like this, girls. This reminds me of my old bachelorette party.

Leah: What happened at your old bachelorette party?

Jacquel: Well…


Young Jacquel: Hermione, are you sure you picked the right club?

Young Hermione: Of course I did, Jacquel! You always said that you cared about the less fortunate people!

Young Jacquel: But I never said that they should be dancing for cash! It’s stupid, pointless, and barbaric! I want to go home!

Young Hermione: Oh come on, Jacquel! Really?

Young Jacquel: This is what Nichollo warned me about when he said that some people I feel sorry for don’t live good lives!

(end flashback)

Jacquel: Well, I saw to it that Hermione would never throw another party for me again.

Rosalie: Sounds like this Hermione person needs a serious lesson in respect and whatnot.

Leah: Indeed.

(in Forks, where Roger is causing trouble for gay couples)

Carlisle: Father, would it kill you to stop causing trouble for everyone?

Roger: But Carlisle! These people don’t think our Jacquelyn should be allowed to marry if they themselves can’t get married! It’s a matter of principle!

Carlisle: But still, can you tone it down a bit? Society itself is already coming down on gay people, so don’t throw religion into the mix!

Roger: Hah! What do you know?

Carlisle: All I’m saying is, would it kill you just to be…you know…nice?

Roger: You think it’s going to kill me if I was being nice to someone? You know nothing, Carlisle Cullen!

Carlisle: I do know something! What I’m trying to say is that…(just then, a car runs them both over) Ow. Something just tried to squish me!

Roger: Of course it can’t squish you! You’re a vampire!

Carlisle: Indeed. (notices Roger’s injuries) Oh my God, you’re hurt!

Roger: T’is but a scratch!

Carlisle: A scratch, Father? Really? You’re badly hurt!

Roger: And you’re not even hurt at all!

Carlisle: That’s because you’re human and I’m not. Now, let’s get you to the hospital.

(in the car)

James II: Dad, you just ran over someone!

Harry: I what?

James II: Didn’t you hear me? You just ran over someone!

Harry: Oh my God!

Albus-Severus and Lily Luna: Turn around and make sure they’re OK!

Harry: All right! (just then a police car pulls up behind the car) Oh crap. Busted by the cops. Pay it cool, Harry Potter. Play it cool.

Charlie: You’re under arrest for a hit and run.

James II: What’s that?

Charlie: He ran over two people and drove off.

James II: Oh.

Lily Luna: Will dad have to go to jail?

Harry: Who knows?

Charlie: I think I do. Now, out of the car, bucky. And you better pray that the old man is still alive, as his son is a very prominent doctor who has a powerful lawyer, and the lawyer will rip you apart.

Harry: What?

(at the hospital)

Esme: I can’t believe your father was hit by a car.

Carlisle: I can’t believe I never got a scratch on me. I guess we’re back to being vampires.

Esme: Good, because I was beginning to miss it.

Carlisle: I know. Now we better tell the kids.

Edward: I can’t believe this! Who would want to hurt grandpa?

Emmett: Tell me who did it and I’ll beat them to a pulp!

Jacquel: I think I know who might have done it…(she leaves)

Alice: I knew something bad was going to happen to him. I just knew it!

Bella: Don’t worry, Alice. I’m sure that with today’s advance in medicine, Carlisle’s father will get better…somehow.

(A few hours later. The entire Cullen family is gathered in Roger’s room)

Doctor: I hate to break this to you, Carlisle, but I think that your father isn’t going to…make it…

Carlisle: Oh.

Doctor: I suggest that you all say your goodbyes now. (he leaves. children burst into tears)

Roger: Oh quit your blubbering, you little rugrats! We all gotta face the great big curtain sometime!

Emmett: But grandpa, you can’t just leave us like this! It’s not fair.

Jacquel: Yeah, and you also haven’t apologized for the way you acted during the season 1 Christmas special.

Roger: Do I have to?

All: YES!

Roger: Not in this life! Hah! You’re all gone back to being vampires, so I don’t have to apologize to any of you demons! Hahahahahaha!

Edward: Oh god!

Bree: I can’t believe that he’s…dying! This is so unfair!

Roger: Like is unfair, little vampire. Get used to it! It’s not fair that you all get to live long happy lives and I don’t! What did I ever do wrong?

Edward: Maybe if you weren’t such a jerkface, then we’d care.

Carlisle: Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, you apologize to your grandfather right now!

Roger: No, Carlisle. He’s right. Your whole life, I was nothing more than a jerk. But when I lost you, it was just as if the fire went out of my life. You should have been the thing that I treasured more than life itself and I was a fool to ignore it.

Carlisle: Well, I never really knew that at all. I guess I didn’t know the real you.

Jacquel: Well, I did write that story about when you died and your father giving up on life because he lost his only son. So there you have it.

Carlisle: I see.

Roger: Now you understand.

Bella: Well, I don’t know much about bereavement, but you’re going through the three stages of parental bereavement.

All: Such as…

Bella: #1, you’re upset because you never cleared up anything with your parents.

Roger: Uh, that already happened.

Bella: #2, you try to make amends.

Roger: Well, it’s a little late for that, so what’s number three?

Jacquel: Your final confession: you really do love Carlisle.

Roger: Yes, I most certainly…wait, WHAT???

Embry: Maybe you reworded that wrong.

Roger: You little witch! I never said that I was “in love” with Carlisle!

Seth: Yeah. That’s kind of gross, man.

Roger: Well, I never did say how much I loved him.

All: Why not?

Roger: Well, in those days, love wasn’t something that you can buy in a store. It had some come from within. I will admit that he and I clashed over various things, but who hasn’t fought with their parents at some point in their lives?

Edward: Well, at some point in my life, I did kind of rebelled against Carlisle’s teachings and ate people. (everyone gasps)

Roger: And why did you do that?

Edward: I thought maybe if I went after the worst scum in the world, the world would be a better place. But I wasn’t happy. I eventually returned home.

Roger: Just like the prodigal son. Now, what have we learned today?

Carlisle: It’s OK, Father. I forgive everything and I love you.

Roger: There are some things that you really need to hear, but I don’t have enough time to say them. Perhaps if I could just sa—(just then, the machine flatlines. everyone stares at Roger. Carlisle stares at everyone for a few moments, but then he realizes that his father is dead. He breaks down and begins crying)

Renesmee: Mom? Is he…you know…dead? (Bella nods her head) Oh.

Jacquel: How sad is it that we don’t have the time to say what really needs to be said. (Embry hugs her. The entire Cullen family all start crying, knowing that Roger Cullen was dead.)

(At the police station. Harry is in a holding cell while James II, Albus-Severus, and Lily Luna are in the waiting area. They are on the La Push Show website)

Albus-Severus: Well, this is sad.

All: What?

Albus-Severus: Carlisle Cullen’s father is dead. (everyone groans. Jacquel shows up)

Jacquel: Where is the man who killed Roger Cullen? I’m here to kick his butt.

Charlie: Why?

Jacquel: Because Carlisle’s father is dead, that’s why! (sees Harry) I knew it was too good to be true! *YOU* killed Carlisle’s father because you couldn’t handle the news that I was getting married to someone who really loves me!

Harry: But Jacquel…

Jacquel: Oh, shut up, Harry! You knew that this day would happen! Now I’m going to make sure that you wish you were never born!

Random criminal: Yeah, way to go, bub! You killed the doctor’s dad! How are you gonna live with yourself?

Jacquel: He won’t, because I’m going to kill him! He ruined everything! And thanks to him…THERE IS NO WEDDING!!!

To be continued…

How Bree Tanner Got Her Life Back, Chapter 7

Riley Biers as portrayed in The Twilight Saga:...

Riley Biers as portrayed in The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The next day, Bree found herself waking up in the same spot that she was in yesterday. Her sanity was taking a bit of a nosedive due to the sudden abrupt changes in her life. In one week I have gone from human-eating monster to being in the enemy’s camp, she thought to herself. What would Riley say?

Just then, the thought of Riley filled her with a sense of fear. What would he say if he found out that Bree was with the Cullens? Bree stood up and rushed outside, hoping to find any trace of Riley and tell him the truth about the Cullen family.

Esme was standing in the kitchen, trying to keep up her human appearance. She noticed Bree and said, “Now where do you think you’re going?”

“Out?” Bree offered as an answer.

“Not today, you won’t,” said Alice as she pounced on the smaller girl. “Not unless you’re going hunting with us.” Bree glared at her.

“Part of the deal,” said Jasper. “Our clan, our rules. We don’t go out unless it is completely necessary. We can’t have too many people knowing that we’re vampires.”

Emmett said, “Well, too bad you can’t go out, but do you wanna play Call of Duty?”

“Don’t ask her that,” Rosalie scoffed.

“What? You think she’d be interested in shopping?” Emmett snapped.

“SHOPPING!!!” Alice squealed. “We must go NOW!!!” And before Bree could respond, Alice and Rosalie snatched her and rushed to Alice’s car.


At the hospital, Carlisle was staring at the dead half-formed fetus in his hand. He shook his head, knowing for a fact that he would have to notify any relatives of Jacquel Romanov about the baby’s death.

“Doctor Cullen!” Doctor Prencel cried out.

“What is it?” said Carlisle.

“Come and see!” said Doctor Prencel.

Carlisle frowned as he left the morgue and went back to Jacquel’s room. There, he saw several nurses holding what appeared to be a very tiny boy. The little boy was so small that not even the smallest crib could hold him. He was screaming and crying as he was pulled into life.

“So the baby was a twin?” said Carlisle.

“Ever heard of fetus in fetu?” said Doctor Jones. Everyone stared at him. “It’s a condition in which one twin swallows the other twin. In most cases, the result is a miscarriage although there were some people who had survived. In this case, however, the absorbed twin killed the host twin and escaped, thus the death of the first twin and the reason why the second twin appears to be smaller than most premature babies.”

“Just like Cain and Abel,” said Doctor Prencel.

Carlisle frowned as he stared at the tiny little boy. He was still screaming and crying, even as doctors and nurses were checking over him. The baby opened his eyes and stared right at Carlisle. His eyes were pitch black.


Bella continued to write down her observations about herself when Jacob walked into the house. He said, “Well, Bella, what’s new?”

“We need to talk about certain things,” said Bella. “Mainly about us.” Jacob stared at her. “I am in no position to keep fighting with you, Jacob.”

Why?” said Jacob.

“I tried to be friends with you,” Bella continued, “be even my reserved patience has run out. Now, I’m going to give you an ultimatum: either you back down and cease all attempts to stop me from marrying Edward Cullen or I’ll cut you off permanently and find some different friends, friends who won’t try to cut into my relationship with him.”

Billy came into the room, but said nothing. Jacob said, “Why?”

“You heard me, Jacob Black,” Bella snapped. “You tried to intimidate me, hurt me, and lie to me. I don’t appreciate that at all! I’ve warned you now; don’t make me act upon it!”

Jacob and Billy stared at Bella in shock.

How Bree Tanner Got Her Life Back, Chapter 6

The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner

The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Bree had lost so much in her life, and yet gained so much more.

She had caught several deer and ate them, knowing that before long, she would need to hunt again. There had been a severe deer population explosion and the deer were causing nothing but trouble for the commuters on the roads.

Bree frowned, knowing that this was to be the rest of her life. Having to eat animals when she had eaten the dregs of human society was taking a toll on her and her sanity.


Carlisle Cullen examined the girl who had fainted outside of the biggest hotel in forks.

Is she dead?” another doctor said to him.

Well, the worst has apparently passed, but as far as I can tell, there was no baby inside her,” said Carlisle. “Even if it was carried to term, it would have been a deformed child.”

Better for it to die before its birth than for it to live a sad life in a cruel world,” said Doctor Prencel. “And besides, the girl is still young. She‘ll have plenty of chances to have more children.”

Carlisle stared at the dead fetus in his hands. Was it a boy or a girl? He could not tell. All he knew was that the moment young Jacquel Romanov had set foot in Forks, her child was doomed.

He hoped that Esme would remain calm when he told her of this incident.


Bella was writing down everything that she knew about herself: she was kind, smart, and willing to help others. But she was also stubborn and egoistic, getting mad when she didn’t get her way.

Billy had prepared lunch and they ate in the living room while watching the news. The shooter had been captured, tackled to the ground by Charlie Swan himself. He was currently being held in a mental hospital, as no prison wanted to take him.

Bella refused to pay attention to the news, as her whole life was more important. She began thinking about the girl named Bree and why she stood up for her. What did Bree have to offer her?

Bella saw the answer right away: Bree was Bella’s future if she became a vampire.

She also thought about Leah and how she reacted when Sam imprinted on her cousin Emily. Leah was Bella’s future if she went with Jacob.

Bella made a few more notes and then picked up the phone. She, Edward, and Jacob needed to have a long talk.


Well, that’s so sad. Does Jacquel know?” Ron said when Sabrina told him about the baby’s death.

“Jacquel is slightly aware of that,” said Sabrina. “In fact, she said that she met a fortune-teller, and the fortune-teller claimed that her baby would die if she left England and came here. As usual, Jacquel called her a liar, but now that this has happened…”

Ron dropped the phone when he saw Leah staring at him. She had a strange look in her eyes, as if she had woken up from a long sleep…